Home Work

It was difficult to accept the infertility. There aren’t any words to describe the trauma or shock of this truth.

We decided we will head for ICSI, but were not sure with whom.

That’s exactly where an internet is handy tool. I checked with my local gynecologist for referral. She suggested a couple of names. A simple Google search popped up with details. I went on surfing about the information (assuming it’s reliable and most case it will be) on the doctor, team, experience, credentials, etc.

I sent emails to all of the doctors and some of them responded back too!!! It’s great to see how the doctor connects to the prospective patients. I am really impressed with the details and accurate information on the email. Trust me that me confident about the doctor.

I read lots of articles on the procedure and treatment; cost associated with it and the success rates.

Information I looked in their websites:

• Experience of the doctor
• qualification of the doctors
• Credentials of their clinic
• experience and profile of the team (remember embryologist are one who gets your embryos hatched)
• number of babies born
• technical devices they have

Information I asked through emails:

• I gave my basic details
• I asked which treatment is going to help me
• How much time is required (I must say a doctor gave me detailed daily plan for a month over email!!)
• how much it will cost (approx)
• any test to be conducted before seeing them

These things helped me a lot to understand what ICSI is about and knowing the doctors. The main task still remains - selecting the doctor and cycle of visit (fund wasn't a major constraint for me)

Adoption: Another view

When I think of "Adoption", I wonder 'why would somebody leave her baby?' and then...

... if 'she' had decided to leave the baby (for whatever reason), than I feel sorry, sorry for the baby.

For the time baby would have been in the womb of 'her', the baby

• must be apathy of her birth mom
• must be under the constant 'abondon' feeling from the birth mom
• feeling of neglect, hate...

Will I be able to give the baby so much love and affection that can overcome the mistreatment that baby has received?

Yes, I firmly believe "Love cures, love heals..." perhaps over the time with my love I can give the much needed affection to the little one.

Adoption or Exchange?

Its easier said than done… and yes the quote applies to “Adoption” too.
After three unsuccessful ICSI cycle, my doctor said than you can try for adoption. Yes, I wanted to adopt somebody someday but not due to my inability. I always wanted to adopt as my willingness and not as my inability.

Advise as they say is the most free available (unwanted) thing was given to me by many. They said adopt, it will help you and make somebody’s life, even lord Krishna was adopted by Yashodha mata, etc.

But there is difference, Yashodha Mata had a baby in her womb, she knew she will have her baby, seldome she knew that the babies were exchanged after they were born. For her, she was mother may be Krishna or some other baby.

The entire epic is more of “exchange of babies” than “adoption”.

Any thoughts or comments?

Things changed... but make the best out of it!!

Things weren’t the same… life had taken a cruel turn and nothings seems going right. We (me and hubby) felt shattered; news about infertility together with some personal problems was taking toll on us.

I cried every time…

• When another period starts
• When somebody announces her pregnancy
• When I see children begging on the roads
  

Things weren’t the same…

• Felt the whole world is pregnant except me
• Started avoiding social events to avoid the questions from people
• Feeling very left out when friends start comparing their pregnancy or childbirth experiences
• Waking up in the middle of the night and wishing I could hear my baby crying
• Wishing I could give your parents grandchildren
• Wanted to tell friends who just turned mom “don’t crib for sleepless nights or changing nappies or feeding problems, bcoz you have something for which I long”
• Sometimes avoiding friends who are pregnant or with newborns because I just can't handle the situation at that moment
• Getting tired of people always expecting you to do things because "You don't have any kids to worry about"
  

“…God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can change, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Over the time I realized it’s perfectly fine to have any or all of these feelings, it was ideal to cry out at times, think about something positive in life and anchor on some good support.

For me, my husband was my strongest support pillar, my strength and so was I for him. Such situations makes you realize how important is your spouse for you and you for your spouse.

Well, I can’t change things which are beyond my control, but certainly make the best out of it.

Its oligospermia - meaning low sperm count

We met our doctor after the test, I was tensed and she just looked at my husband’s report and said, “don’t worry, you will surely conceive, you will be pregnant… but” (the music to ears turning into a loud unbearable bang with that “but”)

Things weren’t the same after the reports. While I had normal hormones and my tubes are patent, my husband’s sperm count was just two low.
She said the I can conceive through Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART) such as IVF, ICSI or IUI… the jargons were yet to sink in the truth I just heard!!!

“But…” (I started hating this word “but”, as if more things are wrong in my way) she said, “don’t loose heart or stop trying, we have seen miracles happening, and some miracle may work with you. Go ahead with ART but also don’t stop trying”

We just realized, we are suffering from infertility due to male factor.

Some information on Semen Analysis Test:

Semen volume

• Normal: 2–6 milliliters (mL) per ejaculation
• Abnormal: An abnormally low or high semen volume is present, which may sometimes cause fertility problems.

Liquefaction time

• Normal: 20–30 minutes after collection
• Abnormal: An abnormally long liquefaction time is present, which may indicate an infection.

Sperm count

• Normal: 40 million spermatozoa per ejaculate or more
  0 sperm per milliliter if the man has had a vasectomy
• Abnormal: A very low sperm count is present, which may indicate infertility. But a low sperm count does not always mean that a man cannot father a child. Men with sperm counts below 1 million have fathered children.

Sperm shape (morphology)

• Normal: More than 70% of the sperm have normal shape and structure.
• Abnormal: Sperm can be abnormal in several ways, such as having two heads or two tails, a short tail, a tiny head (pinhead), or a round (rather than oval) head. Abnormal sperm may be unable to move normally or to penetrate an egg. Some abnormal sperm are usually found in every normal semen sample. But a high percentage of abnormal sperm may make it more difficult for a man to father a child.

Sperm movement (motility)

• Normal: More than 60% of the sperm show normal forward movement.
• Abnormal: Sperm must be able to move forward (or "swim") through cervical mucus to reach an egg. A high percentage of sperm that cannot swim properly may impair a man's ability to father a child.

Semen pH

• Normal: Semen pH of 7.2–8.0
• Abnormal: An abnormally high or low semen pH can kill sperm or affect their ability to move or to penetrate an egg.

White blood cells

• Normal: No white blood cells or bacteria are detected.
• Abnormal: Bacteria or a large number of white blood cells are present, which may indicate an infection.